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A Nation United: One HUGE thing you didn't know about hurricane Florence

September 13, 2018
Laughs

Hurricane Florence is Growing Fast

Amidst news of Hurricane Florence sliding into our unprotected southern border, people all over the US are shocked by its size and bracing themselves for a raw impact. For many southern residents however, the news is just too hard to swallow, and with 10-14" expected to be doled out over the next several days, Florence isn't going to finish quickly.

Sizes may vary based on location

Gulf Coast citizens are expressing their concerns, many feeling completely screwed as the storms speed and stamina doesn't seem to be letting up. Many are wondering what a level of penetration this deep will mean for the south in 9 months, after the storm has finished and moved away. Despite accurate wind forecasting by The National Hurricanes Updates, Facebook's credible community is unsatisfied, unfinished and expressing their own concerns.

Here’s what they are saying:

The Storm Is Just Too Big

Many Are Feeling Unprotected

Forecasts Are Misleading

And National Hurricane Updates Is Voicing Their Own Concerns

Ultimately, Citizens Are More United Than Ever

If one thing is going to bring this great nation together, it's a good dick joke.

Staying Positive With Full Penetration

Fortunately, if Florence is like most guys in their early 20s, it will pound hard but won't last for more than a few minutes, so we shouldn't be too concerned. But if it doesn't let up, we'll have many more storms to deal with in the future.

Moral of the story, if you post something that looks even remotely like a dick, the entire internet community is going to jump on it like the rawhide rear of an alabaster white thoroughbred. We're all middle schoolers at heart, so keep them coming, even if it means spreading your seed amongst an entire nation. Hat's off to Florence for literally sticking it to the man.

Dylan Sorenson

Dylan spends his afternoons counting the leaves that flow down his local creek. While not spiritual for Dylan, it allows him to align all 3 of his nipples with his charging crystals, complimenting his silky smooth skin with smoother energy. As his crystals charge, you can find Dylan harnessing energy from the depths of Mustafar, where he was raised by wolves as a child. Dylan is a complex organism, having only 1 phytoplankton and few mitochondria, yet manages to function as a human adult. In fact, Dylan enjoys having eye sex with Mark Wahlberg on his free time. If Dylan had to describe himself in one word it would be “Animalistic In My Approach.”

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