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How Do You Feel About Your Balls? The Answer Might Shock You!

October 23, 2018
Fashion
Shinesty Home
We know how much you adore your balls based on how far you get in this quiz.

FOREWARNING: IS EVERYTHING IN THIS QUIZ CLICKABLE? NO.

WILL CLICKING THE RIGHT ANSWER TAKE YOU TO BALL-HALLA? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT WILL.

Because, for the first time ever, we’re letting your man parts try the life-changing magic of a Ball Hammock subscription for only $5 for the first month.

FINALLY. Subscribe Me For $5

Click the better fall special.

If you’re still here I know what you’re thinking, what sort of BS quiz won’t let me click on my favorite fall latte?

Your scrotal sadism level is currently 1

P.s. If you're annoyed that you couldn't click on the latte...you're going to hate the rest of this article.

Click your favorite $5 deal.

If you’re reading this, it means you put bargain street meats over your meat.

You get a second scrotal sadism point

Click your preferred way to stay dry down there.

Powdering yourself several times a day to overcome cotton’s shortcomings. Yeah, sounds totally logical.

Cotton: 1 | Your Balls: 0 | Your Scrotal Sadism: 3

Click the ideal material for your sack.

Really? The only reason you’d be reading this far into the email—considering we put an obvious answer above—is because you’re content using the fabric equivalent of 200-grit sandpaper on yourself.

How can we help you if you aren’t willing to help yourself?

You’re now a level 5 scrotal sadist

Click which way you like to shop.

Note to self: do not write anything for this because everyone will be on their way to trying $5 Ball Hammocks for the first month by now.

Nope, not even for this section

Click your favorite way to stay clean.

Surely no one is reading this. If in some cruel world these words are being read, it’s safe to say you’re the supreme ruler of Dante’s 9th circle of testicular hell.

You get another 100 points. You’ve "won" the quiz, but the real winners left this email long ago to get their $5 first month.

Head To The Real Winner's Circle

Subscribe for $5

Here's Your Quiz Grade If You're Still Here

Austin Rosmarin

Having been raised by a wild, feral pack of Staten Islanders, Austin grew up on a subsistence diet of Kosher hot dogs, car exhaust, and self-loathing. His decision making skills have been described as “worse than most”, and doctors have diagnosed him as “malignantly average”. In addition to writing for this blog and checking out sick memes on the daily, Austin has done countless other things to disappoint his parents. Without the approval of strangers for his less than witty musings, his e-meter OT and PC ratings will drop and he will have to return to the Church of Scientology to correct the imbalance. Don’t let his OT and PC ratings drop.


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