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Drinking Card Games & Why Playing Cards Are Vegan

August 7, 2018
Drankin'

Playing cards were invented in the 9th century by the Tang dynasty. If that's not traditional as fug, I don't know what is. We care about traditional things, so we summarized the top drinking card games so you and your family/friends/co-workers/sister wives can get smashed together. 

Ride the Bus

Ride The Bus, aka ‘one person gets sloshed while others watch’, is a game consisting of both logic and luck. The last time I played this, my mother ‘rode the bus’, and I was able to see firsthand how wasted a 59 year-old lady could get in a matter of minutes.

ride the bus drinking game

Setup:

Ride The Bus Drinking Game Materials

One person will be assigned as the dealer. The rest grab a beer and get ready to drink.

Part 1:

Objective: Correctly guess the type of card pulled by the dealer from a series of questions.

For each round, you will use all previous cards dealt to you by the dealer as a benchmark for guessing. If you guess incorrectly, you drink. If you guess correctly, you give a drink. 

Questions:

  1. Red or black? (Give/Drink 2)
  2. Higher or lower? (Give/Drink 4)
  3. In between or outside? (Give/Drink 6)
  4. What suit? (Give/Drink 8)

Part 2:

Objective: Get rid of all of your cards.

ride the bus rules

All players have four cards and the dealer sets up a pyramid like the one shown above. Starting at the base of the pyramid, the dealer flips over each card. The card you dispose of needs to match the card flipped

The person with the most cards at the end of the round will “ride the bus." If there is a tie, last person to eat their card ride the bus.

Part 3 (Riding the bus): 

The person riding the bus will replay round one with the dealer. All four questions need to be answered correctly in a row in order to stop riding the bus. This rarely happens, so you'll end up getting hammered.

With each wrong answer, the player drinks twice. Riding the bus continues until the deck is out, or a player successfully guesses four cards in a row.

This part of the game will alter motor skills more than the stern touch of a blue collared man. 

Pitfalls:

If you ride the bus with a hard seltzer in-hand, you'll get wasted in front of your children [Shoutout to Robin who is a retired elementary school principal and threw back White Claws like nobody’s bidness].

Fuck the dealer

fuck the dealer

Setup:

Fuck The Dealer Drinking Game Materials

(You might be asking yourself, "is that the same gif from above?", and the answer is you bet your sweet cheeks it is)

With every card pulled, the dealer lays out cards in a numerical order so that players can see what’s been pulled.

Objective: To not suck at guessing, and to not become the dealer. 

fuck the dealer rules

How To Play:

Each player has two opportunities to guess the dealer’s card correctly. For every incorrect guess, he/she will drink. For every correct guess, dealer will drink and the game will continue onto the next person.

Question #1: What’s the card’s suit?

If wrong answer, next question is: 

Question #2: Will the next card be higher or lower?

Pitfalls:

If you can’t do the bridge shuffle when you’re the dealer, all the jabronis will make fun of you. It’s not your fault Grandma Corky never taught you how to bridge shuffle, okay?

Up and Down the River

Main Objective: Honestly I read five articles about the rules of this game and I still have no fuggin’ idea how to play. I even asked our graphic designer, Dain, to explain this game to me and it was still confusing. If you can explain this game better than I can (which is likely), please email jayme@shinesty.com.

drinking card games
This is a depiction of how I perceive this game, an absolute mess.

Materials

Deck of cards, bee, canoe, friendly park ranger.

(You're not getting the gif this time, feel free to scroll up if you forgot)

How To Play (or not play):

Part 1 (Up the River):

You need to find a gentle, yet challenging river to play this game on. Basically, you paddle up the river (against current) until you fatigue. The playing cards and beer will be your fuel (playing cards are vegan and gluten-free, so they're safe to consume). Once you cannot paddle up the river anymore, you will then go down the river.

 

Part 2 (Down The River):

You canoe down the river until you reach a friendly Park Ranger who helps you out. The End.

Pitfalls: 

Everything about this game is a pitfall...or maybe I’m the pitfall? Honestly I’m hungover from eating a lot of BBQ last night (pulled pork, brisket, ribs) and I think the amount of red meat really clouded my thoughts. Meat sweats are a real thing by the way.

Pyramid, Beeramid, and Bullshit Pyramid

Remember that one time when your bro Tom cheated during Monopoly, then threw a stapler at you because you won? Pyramid is a game of bluffing, so it's ideal for all the Toms of the world.

Objective: Make other players drink based on what cards they think you have.

Setup:

Dealer will create a pyramid of cards with a base of five cards. Three cards will be dealt to each player face down--players should not show others what cards they have.

pyramid drinking game

How to Play:

Players begin on the bottom left. The player who has the same face value as the starting card puts their card face down on top of the flipped card. When a card is put down, that player gives a drink. If a player cannot put down a card, they will drink and the next person will go.

NEEDS GIF

Players have the option to bluff (lie about the card being put down). If a player has been called out to drink by the bluffer, the drinker can call the bluff. If they're correct, the bluffer drinks double. If they are incorrect, the player drinks double and bluffer takes a new card.

Pitfalls: If you bluff too much everyone, nobody will be your friend.  

Horse Racing

This game can be played with all humans, not just 4’11” humans.

horse race card game

Setup:

The ‘Announcer’ (dealer) will take out all four aces in the deck and place them at the end of the table, face up. Eight cards will be placed to the side of the aces, forming an L shape.

horse race card game rules

Object: Bet on aces (aces=horses)

How to play:

First and foremost, you’ll need a stuffed stick horse (because 'goosing' is funny).

To begin, players will place their bets, something like “five drinks on clubs." If a club is flipped over, that horse (ace) wins the round and moves up to the suit level. All losing players will drink.

NEEDS GIF

Keep in mind type of suit is all that matters in this game. For each suit flipped on the side of the game, the corresponding ace will move up to that level. The horse that reaches the last level wins.

Penalties can be put on players that originally bet on an ace that never leaves the gate.

Pitfalls:

Gambling is an addictive sport. Please consider betting your Olive Garden gift instead of crispy bills.

  

horse race drinking game

King's Cup (or Ring of Fire)

We wrote some thing on this classic game. Just click here. (I promise you won't get redirected to a porn site)

Stay Weird & Consume Playing Cards

 

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